denita's Cancer Blog
October 12, 2008
| One messed up chick! | Views: 379 |
I stumbled upon this blog and have spent the past couple of hours sobbing at all the stories. I really did need a good cry. I have spent so much energy being stoic, as to not let on to anyone around me the big trouble I am in. You see, it’s the cruelty of having cancer and children that have yet to be raised. I have almost a decade in between each of my three children and basically they have different degrees of understanding. Of course my 24yr old Nick understands cancer but he doesn’t know the “details”. Cooper 15, read the Lance Armstrong book and reccomended it to me : ). Miranda 6, thinks cancer is a “bald” thing. Although, she must have mentioned it to someone who told her that “some people live and some people die”. Every now and then she’ll ask just to see if it’s still true. My husband is stressed.I know…. but he (like 9 yrs ago) is off in la la land. He avoids me. I really need to get away from him. I am very angry at him. I WILL divorce him, even if it’s on my death bed! I feel guilty for venting like this but hey, it is a cancerblog after all. I am still in a lot of pain from the surgery and the radiation seems to make it worse. I have severe nausea and fatigue. My friends have all seem to have been scared off. I do have a couple of “phone friends” and they help keep me focused on beating this. I try not think any other way-I just have to beat this.
Thanks for your support -
Denita,
Maybe there is something that women with lung cancer have in common besides the diagnosis. I know you read my story. Yours has the similarity of wanting to divorce your husband. I feel so much the same way, daily! Please know that I have lived beyond my prognosis. I pray you do too. You need to raise those kids. Do you have family members that can help you? Friends can often be scared by the unknown, and by having to face their own mortality. Maybe if you invite your closet “friend(s)” over for tea and answer their concerns/questions, it might help. I found people don’t know what to do or how to do it. They need direction. They want to help but it seems like they are intruding on your privacy. Sometimes they need to be invited in. For independent mothers like you and I it can be extremely difficult to ask for help and admit to weakness. But now is not the time to be prideful. Is there a counseling center or social worker as part of your treatment? Mine helped me so much at the beginning. I am going back soon with my 19 year old daughter as I will need a caretaker as things progress. My husband is an idiot and can’t do anything under any circumstances. The thought of his caring for me when I am very ill, and being responsible for my medications terrifies me. So my daughter has offered to do it. I just want to make sure that it is fair of me to take that big chunk of her life to do something so intense. It may be just the thing she needs to always know she did this amazing thing for her mother. Tell your older kids exactly what is going on. Give them a chance to be a big part of helping their mom. You may be surprised where your support comes from. If your husband is a jerk your older kids will need to know how to do many things that involve caring for someone else to help raise your little one. My cousin’s dad died of cancer when she was 16 and her parents tried to spare the kids (6 of them!) the pain of it thinking they were to young to understand. The kids never forgave their parents for the horrible surprise of his death. He was suddenly gone, even though they knew he was ill and in the hospital. They still feel deceived and a painful lack of closure… 40 years later! Think about it.
Please chat with me anytime. There are some amazing people here. Find Mac, Joyce, and Weezie commenting on my posts. They are wonderful and have advice and support I couldn’t have made it without. I am with you. You have found a great place. Welcome to the family. Gaile
Denita,
I hope you will find this site a place where you feel free to vent and get support. I do get a lot of support, love, and understanding here. Welcome.
Yuyu
Welcome to the family! And you already discovered that Gaile’s case is a lot like your’s so you already have support from someone who knows what you are going through.
I think we all find great empathy, concern and understanding through this blog——hope you do, too.
Hang in there.
Hi! Welcome! Share anything and everything that you please. I definitely recommend discussing this with your kids and keeping them involved and informed.